And knowing is half the battle
Some choice submissions from Fuz's random terror generator. Illustration from Natalie Dee: Drawings To Huff By.
If you are eating kebabs instead of "freedom skewers", that means the terrorists have already won!
If you don't control Australia within 5 turns, that means the terrorists have already won!
If the MPAA accuses you of piracy and you do not have an eyepatch or a parrot, that means the terrorists have already won!
If there's still a guy in Bush's cabinet who literally thinks calico cats are agents of Satan, and who gets annointed with oil in Biblical style every time he takes a new office, that means the terrorists have already won!
If the terrorists have beaten level 8-4 and are playing through again with all the goombas replaced by Buzzy Beetles, that means the terrorists have already won!
If YOU DO NOT ALLOW ME TO MAKE TRANSFER OF LEGALLY ACQUIRED FUNDS FROM MY HOME COUNTRY GABON, that means the terrorists have already won!
If (terrorists.wins <= 0) { printf("Thank god for Homeland Security!"); } else, that means the terrorists have already won!
If I have 99 problems and a bitch is one, that means the terrorists have already won!
If you make me turn this car around, that means the terrorists have already won!
If you only see one movie this year, that means the terrorists have already won!
If declining levels of mana cause Gyaos populations to skyrocket, that means the terrorists have already won!
If societal pressures persuade anyone to act in a way contrary to their own well-being and happiness, that means the terrorists have already won!
If I have to turn this car around, that means the terrorists have already won!
If the western states haven't reported yet, but exit polls put the terrorists at 56%, with a 3% margin of error, that means the terrorists have already won!
If I can't get by anywhere in the world just by speaking English and flashing American currency, that means the terrorists have already won!
If the publisher's clearinghouse sweepstakes van is on its way to Iraq, that means the terrorists have already won!
If they have 99 p-wings, that means the terrorists have already won!
Oh! So happy that one of my submissions made it! Thanks for the props, Sushi!
(For proper ego-citation: it's the penultimate one.)
Posted by: joshua | 29 June 2004 at 03:47 PM
I like the "99 problems" one --it's off the meter rediculous. Also good use of "penultimate."
RELEASE THE KRAKEN!! *guitar music*
Posted by: brady | 29 June 2004 at 11:37 PM
I ended up submitting a bloody lot of those things, but '99 problems' was easily the most successful.
I hadn't seen Natalie Dee before. I feel inclined to disseminate this: http://nataliedee.com/062404/public-service.jpg
Posted by: R. | 30 June 2004 at 11:05 AM
i like "If hookers don't make a fortune during the republican convention, that means the terrorists have already won!"
christine, today i saw that godzilla is showing at the theatre down the street and I thought of you.
Posted by: bethday | 03 July 2004 at 01:46 AM